


No Cure For Stupidity

by SomethingGhosty



Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chopper Is Done, Fluff and Crack, Gen, How Do I Tag, Seriously How Have you Been Doing This For Every Fic, The Crew Has Good Intentions, What Is Writing How Do You Do It, crew shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingGhosty/pseuds/SomethingGhosty
Summary: Chopper has been spending more and more time in the infirmary lately, looking worse and worse every time he's come out and the crew is starting to worry.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	No Cure For Stupidity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ni21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ni21/gifts).



> Happy birthday you absolute degenerate! I think you already know just how godawful I am at this these things, but you're awesome and I love you and stuff so I crawled out of my hole and wrote you a little something to congratulate you for officially becoming old.  
> This might not be smut, or even romance, (or even good), but let's be honest, nobody wants me to write smut, this is bad enough as is.
> 
> *Crawls back into my hole after publishing and never leaving it ever again*

Three weeks. This mess has been going on for three weeks and Nami has had enough. 

“So, anybody has any idea why the fuck Chopper’s been looking like a zombie for like three weeks now?” They were all seated in Sunny’s kitchen, had stayed there after dinner as per the navigator’s request. All of them but the Doctor. 

“I don’t know but he hasn’t been playing with us lately, it’s no fun” grumbled Luffy, who’s been grumpily chewing on a meat bone Sanji hadn’t been able to take away from him. Usopp crossed his arms and nodded seriously; “Luffy’s right. We’ve been inviting him every time he’s come out but he always ignores us. Do you… Do you guys think he might be sick or something….?”

“That certainly is a possibility. Perhaps he’s caught an incurable, infectious disease and has been keeping to himself as a final act of bravery,” Robin said with a chuckle. Usopp screamed.

Franky glared at her in horror; “Stop that, you’re scaring them. I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical reason for why he’s been acting like that, like, uhhh…..”

Not being able to come up with anything better, Franky shut his mouth and slightly hung his head in shame. 

Sanji, who has been washing the dishes muttered quietly to himself; “Maybe he just got sick from seeing the Marimo’s ugly hair so much….”

“ _The fuck did you say?!_ ”

_“What do you think, asshole?!”_

“ _Stop it, both of you!_ ”

The sound of fists clashing against skulls echoed in the quiet room.

“Ugh….”

“Yes, Nami-san…..”

“Perhaps he’s homesick? We’ve been sailing to quite a few summer islands lately, could it be that the heat is making him miss his cold homeland?” Pondered Brook. 

“Oh!” Seven pairs of eyes and one single eye turned to look at their captain, varying degrees of dread reflecting in them.

“Oh….?” Repeated Usopp and Nami in small voices, fear creeping up their spines. Luffy had his thinking face on, and nothing good ever came out of his thinking face. Ever. 

“I know just the thing to cheer him up then- _Hey Chopper!”_ and just like that he was gone, happily bouncing away towards the infirmary. 

The sound of a chair grinding against the floor broke the stunned silence that befell the kitchen, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps. 

“And where the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

“Train. Someone’s gonna have to save them from whatever the moron came up with.” Answered Zoro nonchalantly without even looking back at the furious Navigator, and left the room. 

Nami slumped in her seat, defeated. “They’re all morons, all hopeless morons….”

Robin patted her back and smiled sympathetically, but before she -or Sanji- could offer words of comfort, a high pitched scream drew their attention; “ _Ahhhhhh!! Luffy!!!!”_

The seven people left in the kitchen collectively bolted out of their sits and ran towards the source of the scream.

On deck, they found Chopper leaning over the opening of the fish tank, a look of pure horror on his face. 

Realizing what had happened even without Chopper saying it, Jinbei wasted no time jumping into the open fish tank. The remaining Straw Hats gathered around the opening and the exhausted looking Chopper, waiting for the Fishman to return with their idiot captain. 

About a minute later and Luffy was thrown out of the tank with a non too pleased Jinbei claiming out after him. Chopper, distraught as he was, ran up to Luffy and started pumping the water out of his lungs. “ _What Were you thinking?!Why did you just jump in there?!”_

“Jumped…? _What the hell Luffy-“_

“No Nami don’t!” Luckily for the captain, Usopp and Franky caught both her arms just in time to prevent further damage.

“What’s going on, why are you guys so noisy?” Asked the unassuming Swordsman who seemed to appear out of nowhere. Unfortunately for him, his unexpected appearance made him the new target for the Navigator’s wrath. “And _you_?! Where the _fuck_ were you?! What happened to sav- _What the fuck are you doing?!”_

At the sound of her panicked voice the rest of the crew turned their heads just in time to see Zoro casually throwing Enma in the air, catching it just before the cursed blade made contact with his undamaged eye. Zoro just shrugged; “Training.”

To their surprise, the one to shriek in horror wasn’t the Navigator but the Doctor, who let out a wail of pure despair and collapsed to his knees. 

Robin crouched down next to him and pulled him into a tight hug, holding him and gently kissing his head as he cried into her chest. “I know it’s difficult, but you have to bear it. No matter how hard you try, there’s just no cure for stupidity.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know if that's what you had in mind when you asked for a crackfic about Chopper's despair, but that's the best I can do. But in any case feel free to roast me over my not so good attempt at writing something half decent
> 
> ......At least it's the thought that counts........?


End file.
